Category Archives: Lovely Students

RAE results are in, I am now actively seeking employment

The P45 given to me this morning

Owing to what can only be described as a ‘major administrative error’, my department has slipped by over 30 places in the UK’s research rankings.

Even despite all of my RAE TACTICS described in my previous post, it appears there have been some serious failures that I can only put down to poor administration of the RAE in my institution.

In a sharp phonecall at 2.35am this morning, my beloved Pro-Vice Chancellor advised me that ‘Maybe it is time you moved on’. She also said that she would write me a glowing reference.

Upon further investigation, it appears that there were some serious errors carried out by the student that we hired to manage, implement and write the RAE strategy and submission for my department. Despite the fact that I paid him £6.22 per hour, which in my opinion is well above the going rate, the student had failed to submit the best of our research. Instead he went for the work where, in his words, ‘the words were easier to spell’.

Anyway, as a result of this incompetence of the student, I am now actively seeking employment. Even more disappointing is that I have been informed that I will not be receiving my £20 Marks and Spencer Christmas bonus, which i was going to spend on my gran. She is the real loser in all of this, I hope you are happy student!


Lazy student finally finishes the video

I gave a student £50 and 3 weeks off lectures to make this video to put on my new youtube channel. Honestly, it was like getting blood out of a stone or like getting a coffee budget out of the dean. I was nearly at the point of beating the little blighter silly, but instead I offered to give him a guaranteed 2.1 on his latest essay. Little does he realise I’ll be marking his next one with extra vigilence.

Anyway, here’s the video: